Hogwarts School for Teenagers & Thier Problems
by All4inuyasha
Summary: If you enjoy getting hit on the back of the head with a baseball bat, you'll enjoy this more than a fat kid enjoys cake. Crossover between lots of things!
1. Chapter 1

Hogwarts School for Teens and their Problems--Chapter One

He sat there, in a stall, wondering why he had to have prank obsessive brothers. No one else did, just him. Why did he have to be the guinea pig for so many of there not-yet-safely tested pranks? What had he done in his past life to deserve this?!

While he was wallowing in this self-pity, he heard the bathroom door open. "_Oh crap_" was the very first thought in his mind. Next was, "_Why must I go into the girls bathroom every time this happens_" The third and final thought was, "_May be she's hot_"

At this thought, he immediately unlocked the stall door, and stuck the top of his specked nose out the door.

"Oh My God!!! There is a humongous rat in the girls bathroom help!!" were the words that came out of the girl's mouth, who was standing over a sink that held something that looked suspiciously like the lunch the red headed male had just eaten.

_Wow, she is hot._ Thought the person currently occupying the stall. Then he asked bluntly, "Are you bulimic?"

The girl stared down at the sink, and mumbled, "Yes," then in a much clearer voice said, "and if you dare tell anyone, I won't be your girlfriend."

The red head, astounded at his luck, just nodded dumbly with a huge smile on his face. "What's your name again?"

"I'm Genevieve, and I know your name, its Ron Weasly," stated, looking at the speckled face that had a rather sickening smile on it.

"Wow, how'd you know that? I only just got here." Ron said with just a tint of admiration, and no sign of taking the smile off his face.

"Oh, I just got the list of all the boys in this school from Professor Snape, it wasn't hard, I just performed a few...services for him," said Genevieve, none to modestly.

"Cool, you must be like...really good, I ran into him, and he hated me instantly. I knew it, 'cause I get looks like that all the time from my older brother, hey, aren't we suppose to be, like, doing couple things!" were the words that came from Ron's eager, and still smiling, mouth.

The words, "Hold on, just let me finish," and a wink and Genevieve was off, finishing her business over the sink.

* * *

The blond youth looked around cautiously, of course no one was there, no one would dare go near his wall; it was just a precaution.

Then from a different male's lips slipped the sultry words, "hey, have you missed me? I've missed you, more than you can imagine."

Then, rather spontaneously and in jerks, the youth started to molest the wall.

When this had been going on for a while, never letting up, a screech echoed down the hall:

"DRACO MALFOY, YOU STOP TRYING TO ATTACK THAT WALL!!! I'VE TOLD YOU MORE THAN ONCE, IT DOESN'T LIKE YOU!!!" yelled the person, now walking slowly towards Draco, with a murderous look on her face, and her fingers twitching. She wore a gray and "red" plaid hat on top of blond hair, a tee shirt, and pants. On her shirt was a nametag that stated simply, "I am Headmistress/psychiatrist Leah, master of this school. DON'T TOUCH ME."

"I-I'm sooo sorry Headmistress Leah, but the wall, it CALLED to me. I couldn't resist. It _missed_ me. You wouldn't understand about..." Draco realized he had said too much.

"Oh what wouldn't I understand, I am a psychiatrist after all. If it is a problem of yours we can work it out together. You are under my command Draco, so you _better_ keep me happy. Now _what don't I understand!_" as all of this was being said, the look on the Headmistress's face seemed to become almost nice. This, as Draco is going to find out, is really, Really, REALLY bad. It usually means that you are going to get hurt.

As if on cue, Draco did exactly the wrong thing, and said what he was about to say, "you have no relationship experiences."

Then, a hand came out and grabbed Malfoy around the neck, "Are you really sure about that?" said Leah, in a menacing voice. A tremendous amount of pain came upon Draco as soon as this was said. "You will be getting no more privileges Mr. Malfoy, and I will have Filch knock down this wall. And for your detention, you will help him," Leah's face had become joyful and happy.

"But that's not fair, you can't do that," and a thousand other excuses came pouring out of Draco's mouth.

"Ah, that's where you're wrong. Rule number one is 'if you upset headmistress, said headmistress gets to inflict any punishments necessary.' Filch will see you tonight. Five o'clock, right here." responded Leah in shear pleasure. "Now get going, you'll miss class, or whatever else you wall molesting people do."

Draco took off crying, in the direction of the girls bathroom while a happy Leah, smiled and skipped all the way to her office thinking _I love this power to tell off students' problems!_

_

* * *

_

The red headed female came bursting into Headmistress/psychiatrist Leah's office, ran up to the receptionist's desk, where she was met with the backside of a mirror.

"Uh...hello, could you tell me where the Headmistress is?" asked the redhead.

"Don't you think I'm gorgeous, I do, I just can't stop looking at this perfect face," came the reply from behind the mirror.

"Sure... but I need the headmistress now because a crazy girl with blue hair bit my hand off and the hospital wing is closed. Can you get her for me so I can get back to snogging my boyfriends."

"Ewe...why would I want to talk to that person, she doesn't say I'm pretty, but you understand, you should be my boss, you think I'm pretty."

Just then, a door burst open and in it was the headmistress herself. "Allie, stop looking in that mirror and do your job, our friends from grade school are coming to do something or other, do you want them to think that you are a narcissist?" she asked, and for added measure, gave her a smack on the head, "I guess Dory was right all along, you were going to turn into a narcissist."

"Oh, Leah, I'm not talking to you because you don't think I'm pretty," huffed Allie.

"Whatever," then, as if noticing the redhead for the first time, "Whoa, who are you and what do you want!"

"My name is Ginny, I go to this school, and a girl with blue hair just bit my finger so hard it drew blood, and the hospital is closed so I came here to get help, so I can go back to snogging my boyfriends!" said Ginny in rather fast one breath.

"Your mom got her finger bit!" said Leah, quietly.

"What...okay..."

"Nothing, listen, that girl is, I believe, Hermione Granger, she is Emo, or Goth or something and has an obsession with beanie babies, did you touch hers?"

"Prince Ali, fabulous he, Ali-a-babua!" Exclaimed a girl with middle length blond hair and blue gray eyes who just walked in through the door Ginny did while wearing a shirt that said, "I forgot where I got this tee" and had a picture of Dory from Finding Nemo on it. A somewhat less hyper girl with reddish shoulder length hair and wearing a shirt that said AFI on it and was holding onto a man, who looked like he'd heard that song enough, followed her.

Then the girl who was singing went up to Leah and flicked the bill of Leah's hat, "Bwahaha! I win" she yelled then ran away.

"Leah, guess what, I FINALLY GOT MARRIED TO DAVEY HAVOK!!!!" screamed the ecstatic girl with towing the man behind her.

"Oh my gosh, Maggie...I don't even want to know how that happened," said Leah smacking her head.

The girl who had flicked Leah's hat came up behind Allie, and called, "Jabbers!!" poked Allie in the side, then ran away again.

"Okay, who gave Dory chocolate?" said Leah in the tone of the only sane person in the room.

"Davey and Dory have a truce, as if he gives her candy, she won't drive him insane." stated Maggie, "it's not really working though..."

"Are you insane!!" Leah yelled at Davey, as Dory came up to her and gave her a big hug, jumped back and yelled, "I'm a piggy!" and tweeting.

"No, only concerned with my state of mind, it could be a lot worse, she could be bugging me as much as you or Allie, but as you can see, she is staying out of my personal bubble, as she so calls it."

"I know how to make her stop!" said Maggie, excitedly, and promptly smacked Dory upside the head.

"Oww... that hurt," Dory moaned.

"Good."

"I'm sooo beautiful, aren't I Dory, Ginny thinks so." Allie said, rather dreamily.

"What, who's Ginny, oh you!" Dory said, finally noticing Ginny, "harhar, Ginny sounds like Gin, har! That's funny, hey Leah, I saw a person molesting a wall earlier, it was pretty funny, what's this school again?"

"Hogwarts School For Teenagers and There Problems, and that boy's name is Draco, he's not very smart. So Maggie, what are you going to do here again?"

"Well, I was going to make a movie, and Dory here is going to make the pictures, okay, it'll be like a documentary, only cooler, and random-er." exclaimed Maggie excitedly, "oh, and Davey's band needs a place to crash for a while, so I suggested that the could come here."

"Umm... am I going to regret saying okay?"

"No!"

"Okay?"

"Yeah!!! Davey go set up your tools for really loud music that will probably not allow anyone to think. Now!"

"Whatever..."

"Wait. No you can't play! School is a place for children to think!! Not have their ears busted."

"Aww...come on Leah! They're really good, and if you ask nicely and don't do anything stupid or obnoxious or crazy or anything to screw them up, they might play a song for you at the end, I already know what I want them to play!" said Dory, entering the conversation.

"Another truce," Leah asked, more like stated.

"Yup, they really do have a lot of them, it's pretty funny actually, although it can't be as worse as last time..." started Maggie, ending with some giggles.

"Oh God, what song this time!" said Davey, like he was talking to a two year old.

"I want you to play _and_ sing Vanessa Hudgens, Come Back to Me!" said Dory between laughs.

"Oh my God, that is worse than last time," laughed Maggie while Davey groaned and muttered, "Why me?!?!"

"Why, what was last time," asked Leah, not sure she wanted to know.

"Shakira, Hips don't Lie"

"harharhar...Davey, you should have realized what you got yourself into."

"It's this, or total destruction of who knows what equipment."

"Point."

Now, until this point, Ginny was waiting patiently, but she was a redhead, and therefore had a temper...

"HEADMISTRESSES FRIENDS GET OUT NOW I WAS HERE FIRST AND WILL PROBABLY DIE BECAUSE OF BLOOD LOSS!!!" shouted Ginny.

"I'm sorry, I have a problem with authority," said Dory.

"I'm the absolutely gorgeous secretary so I live here. Don't you think I'm beautiful?"

"NO!" was from Maggie.

"Yeah...I gotta go set up the instruments, Maggie, argue with Leah and keep Dory away from...well everything really, not that I'd care if she died, but you would make me go to her stupid funeral and not celebrate," came the list from Davey Havoc.

"Whatever, I just need headmistress Leah, I don't care what you people do."

"Kay, Maggie, Davey can set up his instruments and have a concert or something, but please try to keep it quiet, or you will be evicted. Dory, Maggie, I'll give you a tour in a second, but first comes Ginny. Dory don't touch anything." Leah said.

"Fine!"

"Good, Ginny let's see that finger, don't worry, Hermione has rabies shots."

"Finally! Headmistress, you have weird friends," stated Ginny, rather bluntly.

"Yes, but someone has to supervise them, otherwise who knows what."

Authoresses Note:

**Dory--** Hola, and welcome to my reign of terror!! Hope you all have a wonderful time. Some of this won't really make sense to some people, but it's still funny. Genevieve is from Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses for those of you who don't know. She's the main, pink, person played by Barbie herself. OH YEAH! Go BATTDP. It's my favorite movie ever!! But I think I might like Bratz Fashion Pixies more, it just depends I guess. Yeah, I know you people are all jealous of my awesome movie picking skills…

PS: this is a friend of the owner of the account…not the actually owner. Just so you know

PPS: For those of you unlucky people who don't know about AFI, it's a band, and Davey Havok is the lead singer…yeah, just so you know, my friend is obsessed with them currently…

**Maggie--** I'm pretty sure this is the most random fanfiction you have ever read in your whole life. This fic took lots of plotting, giggles, a couple hyperactive weirdos, and that will give your this fanfiction. I really don't know what else to say except review...

OHOHOH Dory spelled Davey Havok wrong...before she spelled it "Havoc" just thought I should point that out...


	2. WTF, Pie?

**Chapter, 2… "WTF? Pie?"**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Barbie, Rupert Mann or any other**

**characters used in this fanfiction. If I ever did, the world would end. Guaranteed.**

Draco sat half asleep in Defense Against the Dark Arts. He didn't really like this class. If you guess, he would rather get his manhood cut off rather than taking another semester with her.

"Now, now class…I want to warn you. This is a rather particularly essential class I recommend you take it 2 semesters—" The teacher began, but wasinterrupted.

Draco groaned loudly as she glared at him from underneath her bangs.

"Are you done, Blondie?" The overly annoyed teacher mused.

"Yes…" Draco mumbled, while the class was in amusement.

"Anyways, I'm your new teacher. Miss Vanderwall, but you can call

me Miss Sari because it sounds cooler and I read it in a book once. I'm here because all your other DADA teachers seem to get themselves killed, maimed, injured, mentally unable, or worse. I am here because I am mentally too hyper to get myself into all those things." Miss Vanderwall grinned with a cute little smile.

Ron, sitting on the opposite side of the room from Draco and his blonde "perkiness" looked closely at Miss Vanderwall. She had short-ish blonde hair, and it was a perfect color. Not to blonde, but not to dim. Perfect. She seemed like she would be a short person, but turned out to be rather tall. Boy, she was, in Ron's case, a babe. Miss Vanderwall was perfectly thin.

Harry started giggling silently sitting next to Ron when he realized he was staring and checking out the teacher. Miss Vanderwall, hearing the chuckling in her classroom in the middle of a lecture was infuriated. She took out a ruler and smacked Harry over the head,

"NO LAUGHTER OR HAPPINESS IN MY CLASS ROOM. Grown teenagers giggling disgusts me." And she grinned cutely and giggly, "Class is over, I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!"

And with that the whole class was gone in a matter of seconds. Some of them crying on there way out. Miss Vanderwall silently grinned. "Sweetvictory…."

All of a sudden, Sarah's sixths sense started tingling…

* * *

"Okay, Ginny, you're all better, just don't drink any fruit cocktail juice," said Leah, who had just finished single-handedly to stop Ginny's heavily bleeding finger, and attach it back, in an hour.

"Le-ah, are you done yet?" Dory whined.

"Yeah, I'm dying!" moaned Maggie.

"Yes, but the way you two have been acting, I'm not sure I should help you,"Leah returned, miffed.

"I wouldn't be doing this if you had an interesting movie, like Bratz Fashion Pixies, everyone should have that! It should be a law! Oh goodie another one to add to my list," shouted Dory, who promptly took out a long piece of parchment and an orange pen, and began scribbling fiercely at the bottom of it.

"Do I want to know what is on that list," sighed Leah.

"Not really," responded Maggie.

"It is my list of all the rules I will inflict upon civilians when the whales and I take over the world with a combination tsunamis and chilidogs with orangeflavored muskrat sprinkles!" said Dory, who jumped up and held the list out to

Leah, "I learned the whales' plan, added to it, and promised to be their human leader. It's gonna be so awesome! I have 672 rules made of both the whales' wants, and mine!"

"Oh dear Lord, Maggie, you let her do this!" Leah groaned.

"YUP! She says that I can make up ten rules!" exclaimed Maggie.

"Your stupidity is making me lose brain cells, I'll show you around."

"Kay!"

So the three grade-school friends went off down the hallway, up three flights of stairs, where they stopped in front of a corridor labeled Science, which was crowded with students who seemed to be running from something…

"Here, we have the astronomy tower, as well as the other sciences, including biology, sociology, geology and DADA no one really knows why…" A screaming

Sarah came out of the last door cut off Leah. She was screaming at Maggie.

"Maggie, how I've missed you so!" then she went over to Dory and gave her a hug as well, "what are you people doing here?"

"Sarah, you're here! I never knew," was from Maggie.

"We're here to make a random movie thing!" from Dory.

"Cool, guess what!! I'm here 'cause I'm too hyper!!" Sarah was indeed pretty hyper.

"OMG!!! LEAH, IT'S THE WALL MOLESTING CHILD!!! LET'S GO POKE IT!!!!" screamed an ecstatic Dory, who promptly went over to the sad soul and "poked it."

"Oh my Gosh Dory, don't poke the students!" said Leah, dragging her away.

"Yeah, they might have rabies," added Maggie.

"Maggie, Leah makes sure they have rabid shots…you do right," said Sarah.

"No, I don't, I just want to be bitten by rabid students every thirty seconds, of course I do!"

"Headmistress, could you get your…um…what are you called again?" Draco questioned.

"I am the super awesome wonderful eccentric Dory of the underworld and a half!"

Dory exclaimed proudly, "and I have a problem with authority and am good at making compromises and am going to take over the world with the whales…" she was cut off by a thwack on the back of her head, courtesy of Leah.

"Never ask Dory who she is, or you will be sorry," Maggie advised. This wise moment was cut off by a giggle.

"God you people are weird, well Headmistress, call Dory off, I think I might have a bruise."

"Sorry aversion to authority."

"I like the entertainment."

"Serves you right for hating my class."

"Looks like it's four against one, I'm sorry Draco, but Dory is going to keep poking you."

By this time, the halls were deserted everyone was at their next class.

"Hey Leah, you're taking Maggie and Dory on a tour, I'll come with you, we can go to Draco's next class. What is you're next class anyway," said Sarah.

"Math," Draco muttered, followed by a bunch of supposed curses that were unheard.

"Math, math, math. Wrath, wrath, wrath," sang Dory, who went skipping downthe hallway.

"Onward to math," shouted Maggie, catching up to Dory.

"Oh, goody, math, I know who teaches that," exclaimed Sarah, running up to both of them.

'I'm going to regret this, I just know it.' Thought Leah, who walked down towhere the trio of hyper people were wondering which way was math.

* * *

"Okay class, in one month, I have 5 dates in one week, 6 the next and hold a boyfriend for the last week and three days, how many dates do I go on in one month. PS: boyfriends takes me out once every two days," asked a pretty girl standing in front of a class.

Immediately, all the boys in the class raised their hands. Of course, no one knew the answer they just wanted the attention.

"Okay, none of you know the answer, it is 20," informed the teacher.

All of a sudden, a hand of a blue haired girl went into the air, "actually, it's 16 Miss Geneva."

Geneva paused, thinking, and then said, "Your mom is 16, don't judge me!"

All the boys in the class room went "Ooo… burn." And the blue haired girl, having no comebacks, sat lower in her chair.

"Now, getting back to my story, that same month I hire my bodyguard/lawyer/manservant, Rupert Mann, to remove 5 stalkers, 7 jumpers, and my boyfriend. If Ionly spend…" she was cut off by Draco, who had entered the class followed by askipping Dory and Maggie.

"Dory!!! Maggie!!!! Oh My God, wtf???" screamed Geneva.

"Neva!!!" shouted Maggie, who went up to hug her, followed by the trio ofLeah, Sarah, and Dory.

"Hola Que Tal? Phenomenal," sang Dory, who was behind a hugged Geneva. Dory

being Dory poked Geneva's sides.

"Ahhh!" screamed Geneva promptly doubling over.

"Dory!! Gosh, you're here one day, and already you are too hyper," said the exasperated Leah. She then smacked her forehead.

"Geneva, guess what, I GOT MARRIED TO DAVEY HAVOK!!!!" Maggie told her friends ,showing Sarah and Geneva the ring, not paying attention to a screaming Dory who

was running from a Leah shouting "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!"

"Omg no way!"

"Yeah way, he's outside setting up for a concert thing! Their gonna play reallyloud, ear shattering music and disrupt all the classes," exclaimed Maggie

proudly.

"Ooo! Can I come? I have earplugs," asked Sarah.

"Yeah, me too!" added Geneva.

"Of course, you're all invited, except the creepy students," said Maggie,pointedly looking at Draco, "but they need to set up a whole lotta stuff, so itwill be a while, Dory and I have decided o stalk a wall-molesting child today, you can come along if you want!"

"Okay! Let me just finish teaching this math class."

Dory promptly stopped in front of Geneva, "you teach math!! Harharhar that'sfunny!"

"No seriously, Geneva teaches math, don't ask me why I hired her, I have no idea," Leah has entered the conversation.

"GOD!! I'M TRYING TO LEARN THE WRONG WAY TO DO MATH!! SHUT UP YOU PEOPLE!!!!!!!" screamed a very red, blue haired girl in the back.

"Ahh!!! A blue haired person run away!!" screamed Maggie, who went to hidebehind Geneva.

"She has a point, come on peeps, lets let Geneva teach," said Leah, pulling her friends over to a corner where they would sit for a whole hour… not a good idea. As all of these crazy people were up in front of the class talking, one Harry Potter was sitting really bored, wondering why life was stupid and hitting his head on his desk, a habit Hermione Granger, weirdo extraordinaire, detested.

"What is your problem Harry, nail in your life."

"I have no life, I am going through a never ending darkness that is only brightened by death and my girlfriend, got a problem with that."

"No, but that isn't half as bad as my life…" as these two continued there deep conversation, a perpetually happy Ron was sitting, wondering how many

girlfriends he could have at a time…

_It'd only be three, how bad could it be? "_

_Maybe they'd alllike each other so muchthat we could all go on a date at the same time, My_

_beloved, we must not share them, not even with them…they will be mine, all_

_mine!! _

"_AHHH!"_

_Creepy voice just moved in my head, get it out!!_

_Get it out!! Stupid, I'm you, a wonderful, smart, clever you, but a younonetheless._

_Oh, otay! _

* * *

RING! RING! The bell rang, startling the class.

"Otay, time to start stalking again!! Come on fellow stalker Maggie!" said Dory yawning.

A wide eyed Draco ran out of the classroom, followed by a Dory and a Maggie.

"We'd best follow them," said Leah.

"Yeah…"

"Crap, we lost him," exclaimed Dory.

"Crap, what'll we do now?" questioned Maggie.

"Mmm, giant school with no Leah…quite a lot I should say."

"Oh, I like Cheese."

"I don't, I like pie though."

"Otay…"

"Hey!! What's that lever over there?"

"It says, 'in case of fire pull'"

"Mmmm…"

As Dory thought, Maggie pulled out a lighter and flicked the switch,turning it on.

"Oh dear, there is a fire, I should pull the lever!" said Dory.

"Um, I wouldn't like do that if I were you," a man wearing a skirt appeared in front of the two.

"AHH!! GAY PERSON RUN!!!" screamed one Maggie.

"Ooo! Happy people!! Where? Where?" said Dory, not seeing the "gay" man.

"Right there!"

"Hola chicas! Doesn't Albus Dumbledore look sexy in this skirt?"

"Not really."

"You people just don't appreciate the sexy!"

At this moment, several things happened. For one, the appearance of one woman, her hair in a tight bun and green robes asking for an Albus Dumbledore, saying he had an appointment. For another, Leah, Sarah, and Geneva had decided to grace the hallway with their presence. Finally, Maggie had pulled on the lever, which led to…

RRRIIINNNGGG!! RRRIIINNNGGG!!

"DORY DO YOU REALIZE IT IS ILLEGAL TO PULL A FIRE ALARM!!!! HOW MANY TIMES MUSTI REPEAT IT TO GET THE MESSAGE THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL TO YOUR MORONIC BRAIN??!!!" screamed Leah.

"A. it's fuzz, and B. I did see a fire," said Dory smiling while Maggie showed the lighter, Leah smacked her forehead, Sarah groaned at the stupidity, and Geneva muttered, "she has a point."

By this time, a hoard of screaming students had flooded the hall, causing the conversation to be cut short because the participants were separated. Caughtup in the mass of students in exodus towards the giant doors that lead tothe grounds.

* * *

**Current State of the Union (What/How everyone is…I don't want to call it thinking because some students don't do that very well…):**

Leah was thinking, After I kill Dory, I'm going to set up a fire drill, god

knows we need it.

Sarah was thinking, EWW!! Sticky, sweaty, all-around-gross teenagers are

touching me. DETENTION!!!

Geneva, the only one not swept up because of being on the side, Where iseveryone?

Dory's fuzz was wondering when dinner would be.

Maggie likes cheese.

Dumbledore: Yeah!! You come and see the sexy Dumbleman!!

Green, bun lady: Dumbleman looks sexy.

Harry: Life sucks.

Hermione: I love beanie babies!

Ron: to have three girlfriends, or not to have three girlfriends.

Random Bob dude: q-tips have a funny name!

Genevieve: I'm sooo fat!

Draco: Maybe I can get to my wall!!

**Dory: and so ends another chappy!! FYI: these chapters are gonna be pretty in frequent due to the fact that I procrastinate and Maggie is Maggie. FYI 2: I have all-knowing fuzz in my brain, don't ask, it's just my theory as to why I'm smart. Up next, Davey's concert, me dying, and more random creations of the unknown areas of Maggie and Dory's brain!! Ooo…**

**As always, very exciting . DAVEY'S CONCERT IS GOING TO BE BEAUTIFUL!!! I like cheese. I am rather bored at the moment after spacing, italicizing, and "lining". I am going to go on MySpace.**

**ADD ME IF YOU WILL!**

**W w w . m y s p a c e . c o m / j a m e s b o n d n e v e r d I e s **

**HAVE FUN &&&& REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


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